ON "MAKING SENSE" OF DEPRESSION

The term, “depression,” has come to have many meanings in our culture. For us to be able to approach depression with a degree of helpful and applicable understanding, depression must be seen from different perspectives and also deconstructed or broken down to its particular components. We therefore approach depression from medical, historical, cultural, psychological, spiritual, philosophical, mythical, and literary points of view. Though these perspectives often overlap and parallel each other, the knowledge and understanding of them provides a broader spectrum and greater context in which to consider depression and ourselves in depression.

Each perspective on depression is related to and builds upon each other perspective to provide a kind of overall foundational structure, however, individuals have their own ways of seeing and interpreting, that is, their particular subjective philosophical and psycho-spiritual frameworks. Consequently, any particular perspective is to be questioned and put to the test by the individual, but still with a respect for its possible viability for others. We attempt to define and come to terms with depression, a state that is practically indefinable due to an understanding that must be interpreted through individual experience and is therefore perpetually changing.

An effect of treating depression with too much logic and organization based in a need to “make sense of” and rationally

understand depression is to destroy the integrity and freedom of the spirit of the depression by limiting it only to certain

boundaries, structures, and origins that provide us and the "clinical experts" with a sense of control over the depression. Clinical and scientific “factual” descriptions of depression, though valuable in their categorization and delineation, can be and are misleading. First of all, the “facts” involved are interpretations from observations which may or may not be accurate and are set within their own interpretive context or viewpoint. Second of all, those experiencing depression experience it differently than their observers and note-takers, ascribing importance to different aspects and qualities, and
interpreting their experiences differently than their observers. The “blanket” descriptions given us by the experts who do their best to provide objective descriptions do not convey what is an inherently intensely personal and subjective experience. Such descriptions are like trying to convey the beauty and experience of a sunrise in a factually descriptive news report.

Instead, consider that the depression contains and carries its own reason for expressing itself, which is combined with our own unique experience of it. Consider depression to be like the Muse who inspires the poet to write the poem by simply descending upon him or her. In our observations of depression itself and of the different ways in which it appears and through which we experience it, for now it would be most helpful to see depression as coming of its own accord upon us. The rationale for this is will be understood in due time.

There is a logic and an order in this exploration of depression;

however, it is similar to the logic and order in a work of art. The logical and orderly framework and technique are present in Michelangelo’s Mona Lisa, but what we see, are affected by, and respond to is much more than it mechanics or structure. Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony is presented by means of many

individual instruments, each producing its own particular sound

according to musical notes written on a page, however, we are moved by the power and beauty of the music as a whole.

This book in all its components, harmonious and discordant, defined by spaces of silence, may be received as a symphony that, through its wholeness, has the capacity to move and affect us as a whole, rather than just our intellect or emotions or body or soul. To accomplish this level of receptivity, experience, and understanding, we do the best we can; observing ourselves and our own personal dynamics as much as possible. And that’s as far as we need to go with our self-observation. We listen to the music or take in the painting as it is in this moment. It affects us as it affects us in this moment and we pay attention to that. We hear it as we hear it and see it as we see it. And so be it. It is never the same; our experience changes. There is no measurement or comparison to be made even if we believe we “could have done better.” Hearing the music simply as you hear it is a more authentic and enjoyable experience than wondering if you’re hearing it as you’re supposed to hear it. When I listen to Beethoven’s Seventh, sometimes I am moved to tears,

sometimes the repeated tonal themes stand out, and sometimes I hear the tension-creating gaps both in the rhythm and in the discordance. It is never the same. Nor am I the same.

WHAT IS "UNDERSTANDING" AND "UNDERSTANDING DEPRESSION"?

A Preparation for Understanding Depression

The intention of this book is to help those who are depressed to attain an understanding of their depression and themselves that will expand their perceptions and experience of what depression is and change for the better their relationship with depression, with the possible outcome that its painful effects will be greatly diminished, and that a level of self-understanding and self-acceptance will be achieved. However, for “understanding depression” to even be possible, we must first have a clearer sense of what we mean when we speak of “understanding” in and of itself. For, “understanding,” in itself, covers a spectrum of meanings within the multiple process we simply label as “understanding.” So we ask the following question in order to begin to build a foundational context through which to understand depression.

What is “Understanding ”?

“To understand” indicates and illustrates a process of the steps in the development of understanding, which presents a logical order:

1. “to infer (something not stated),”

2. “to learn of or to hear of,”

3. “to grasp the importance or significance of,”

4. “to perceive the meaning of, or comprehend,”

5. “to interpret or comprehend in a specified way,”

6. “to become familiar with; have a thorough knowledge of,” and

7. “to regard as agreed or settled.”

Thus, we see that “understanding” begins unconsciously through inference in 1, then to external influence in 2, and intuitional sensing or feeling in 3, which leads toward mental perception and conscious understanding in 4, then interpretation and specific understanding in 5, and then we internalize our interpretation so that it is thorough and familiar to us in 6, and finally, in 7, we all agree on the common understanding we have established.

“Understanding” denotes not just an intellectual or mental perception, but also a mind-body comprehension and lived experience. It is a way of seeing that is based in our own experience and is therefore a grounding of theory in practice, that is, of the story of our life in the actual physical experience of us living our life. Understanding, when grounded in experience, puts us “in touch with concrete, earthy … reality.” With the experience that comes through understanding and the understanding that comes through experience, we are enabled to live fully. To understand is to get beneath, to “stand under” the surface and see what is hidden there. From such a vantage point we have greater comprehension, for the full scope of knowledge is both the obvious (above the surface) and the hidden (below the surface). Of course we are still not able to see everything that is obvious or hidden, so understanding is recognized as an attempt to simply do the best we can do, with an awareness that we’ll never see everything or know it all.

What Does It Mean To “Understand Depression”?

To “understand depression” is to undergo this process of awareness which begins with an unconscious, intuitive “sense” that to open ourselves up to the process and experience of

depression has meaning for us; we have grasped its inherent value and importance and seek to “understand” it even though we cannot as yet explain or “make sense” of it. We may have heard of this “other side” of depression from others or read about it, or we may have finally reached a point within ourselves at which we realize that a “deeper significance” of our depression has been working silently within us and is now “stirring” us to the point that we are feeling it without knowing what it is. As we come to focus our attention on “understanding depression,” we begin to consciously perceive it in a different way, perhaps for the first time. We may even have a glimpse of the meaning behind what is happening within us when we are depressed, and discover that we are able to see and interpret our depression in new ways.

In due time, as our understanding increases, we find that our depression is more familiar to us and no longer so alien or frightening. Our understanding of depression is something we become able to apply to ourselves in our own lives and also to others. We find that we are learning what depression is and how it works, both in itself and within ourselves. We have observed how we react and respond to depression, and learned what we can do to change our reactions and responses to be more in line with who we really are, what we want for ourselves, and how we want to be. This is how the process of “understanding depression” can unfold and express itself in our lives.

Through this understanding and close observation, we come to the paradoxical reality of “the myth of depression.” On one hand, we discover that what we call “depression” has been inflated to be much more than it actually is, and, on the other, we recognize depression’s mythic identity and power; that it is all that it is claimed to be and far more. In Chapter Ten, this idea of depression’s “gift of paradox” is further explored.

To understand the meaning of depression is to begin to comprehend the reasons why it manifests itself specifically as it does in our life. To understand the meaning of our depression is to both comprehend and accept ourselves as being affected by depression. Such an understanding enables us to grant ourselves a bit of compassion, and objectivity towards ourselves. Within this understanding of depression and of ourselves in depression comes a clarification and a recognition of the purpose that this depression may serve in our lives. Within the disease lies the cure. We can recognize depression more as a dis-ease, as a psychological unease or imbalance, than as a physical sickness, for its symptoms carry with them the possibility of self-understanding and self-discovery, which, in turn, can lead us to wholeness and healing.

DEPRESSION AS A PATH TO SELF-UNDERSTANDING: FIVE PROPOSITIONS

1.   Depression is to be recognized as a way and a means to move through our ignorance and our perpetual distractions that prevent us from living our lives more authentically as ourselves, as truer human beings.

2.   The soul, the psyche, is alive in us and is speaking directly to us through our depression in such a way that we cannot ignore its message. Depression is therefore to be experienced and understood as an actual communication to us from our psyche-soul, given to us so that we might understand who and what we are, and what life is, and that we consequently might be enabled to move forward in this psychological and spiritual understanding, not only for ourselves but for others, and for the world itself.

3.   Those who do experience this shattering pain of depression are among those who are sensitive and aware enough to receive it. They possess the ability to discipline themselves to become able to hear and respond to the messages of the soul within themselves and within humanity as a whole.

4.   The depressed ones are among those able to receive and respond to the anima mundi, the soul of the world itself. The depression makes it possible to become receptive to this understanding by stripping them, in so many ways, of themselves, that is, of their beliefs and cultural identities, their habitual ways of seeing and understanding, and their own identity and sense of security and contentment, while, simultaneously, sensitizing them to the realities of life in the world in which they live.

5.   Depression has the power and the effect of opening us up to the soul of the world and the pain of the world—the suffering of others; not so that we are drowned in this loss and sorrow, but, rather, so that we no longer avoid that which is difficult and painful for us as individuals, and become able to squarely face it, come to terms with it, and stand up for ourselves, both singularly and collectively. This is precisely why we were born: to be proper and true human beings in connection not only with all other human beings, but with all life on the planet, and the cosmos itself.

However, before we can do anything, much less achieve such goals, we must be able to see the truth of things in themselves as much as possible, rather than being immersed in our own versions of what we want to see. We must be focused and undistracted. Most of us live our lives in absolute distraction from who and what we are in essence. Throughout the world, people are primarily engaged in simply surviving from day to day, and this distracts them from any other possibility beyond that necessary directive. Some of us have the luxury of not having to constantly worry about and engage in the act of literal survival, but the pain of injustice and our lack of ability and confidence to face this inequity within ourselves as well as in the world, drives us away from looking into ourselves and our own reflection in the world, that is, into distracting ourselves from seeing what is real.

Depression could be considered an essential part of the psychological and spiritual, or psycho-spiritual, inner journey. It is characterized by an initial descending within ourselves and the experience of the “dark” and hitherto unconscious parts of ourselves and, by extension, of life in general. Mythically, it is the underworld journey; Dante’s guided journey through Hell and Purgatory and finally to Paradise, and Christ’s descent into Hell three days before rising to Heaven. But the underworld journey is meant to move through Hell and not to remain or get stuck there. It is a necessary phase of the psycho-spiritual journey, which is traversed through our understanding, our internalizing of that understanding, and our learning from our own experience. The underworld journey contains and conveys messages to us from our own psyche-soul that we must both hear and heed if we are to be able to finally move through the depression phase of our journey.

CHAPTER 1: THE PATH OF DEPRESSION

This book presents depression as a process of psychological development, self-understanding, and spiritual unfolding. Depression is recognized as a specific means or “path” with the potential, if properly followed, to lead us to a greater sense of self-understanding based in our own comprehension, knowledge, and experience of ourselves of our depression.

This perspective and approach to depression is radically different than our American cultural view and practice. This approach views depression as an initiation and preparation for an important part of our psychological and spiritual process and journey, often interpreted as an interior experience or underworld journey. This psycho-spiritual journey has much potential and offers deep wisdom personally gleaned from its experience. In this different way of viewing and working with depression, depression itself becomes a tool with which and through which we work towards our own self-discovery and self-fulfillment. Rather than fighting and fleeing from depression, it is recognized as an ally and even embraced as a friend who bears a valuable gift for us.

Depression is considered to be a disease in American culture. It is pathological and to be gotten rid of as quickly and easily as possible. Given the pain of depression, this response makes sense. Yet, the pain of depression would not be so overwhelming if we were able to see depression in a different light; as a psychological and spiritual process of giving birth to ourselves as authentic human beings.

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Depression's Seven Steps to Self-Understanding: A Guide to Comprehending and Navigating Your Inner Journey is being presented page-by-page, chapter-by-chapter in this blog. The book may be purchased at Amazon.com.

KZSC INTERVIEW: YOU'RE INVITED

TONIGHT, MAY 3, FROM 7-7:30, I WILL BE INTERVIEWED ON KZSC RADIO FM 88.1 BY BRUCE BRATTON ON THE UNIVERSAL GRAPEVINE. WE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT MY BOOK, DEPRESSION'S SEVEN STEPS TO SELF-UNDERSTANDING: A GUIDE TO COMPREHENDING AND NAVIGATING YOUR INNER JOURNEY, WHICH IS THE FOCUS OF THIS BLOGSITE. THE BOOK MAY BE PURCHASED AT AMAZON.COM, BOOKSHOP SANTACRUZ, AND THE CAPITOLA BOOK CAFE.

I INVITE YOU TO LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW AND COMMENT HERE IF YOU'D LIKE.

**FOR CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS, IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HEALTH INSURANCE AND PURCHASE IT THROUGH ME, A CALIFORNIA ANTHEM BLUE CROSS AGENT, VIA THIS LINK, https://pd.secure.anthem.com/AgentConnect/gen/common.htm, I WILL GIVE YOU A FREE COPY OF MY BOOK. YOU CAN GET A QUOTE AND APPLY VIA THE LINK, BUT ALSO PLEASE CALL ME AT 831-688-1073 SO I CAN FURTHER ASSIST YOU AND ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE.

ENJOY THE INTERVIEW!

  

DEFUSING THE POWER OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

(WHAT FOLLOWS IS NOT A PART OF MY BOOK, HOWEVER IT IS QUITE RELEVANT TO THE TOPIC OF DEPRESSION...)

I can be quite a "negative" thinker at times; full of thoughts of anger, disappointment, failure, hurt, etc. In the past I have been able to maintain a "positive" outlook, reflecting faith in myself, in life, in others, and a hope and confidence that I could "keep on keeping on" in spite of life's challenges and difficulties. But the "negative thinking" of hopelessness and despair sometimes is sometimes simply "what's there" and is not about to be replaced with "positive thinking" regardless of how hard I may try to accomplish this. At these times what might be referred to as "depression" takes hold of my thoughts and prevails at least for a while, perhaps a few days. Whatever I see is interpreted in such a way that I am a victim or others are victims at the effect and mercy of something or someone else. This state of mind is accompanied by a powerlessness and hopelessness that I can even feel in my body as it becomes sore and exhausted, causing me to want to just sleep.

During these times I seek some kind of relief from this onslaught of negative thoughts. I don't pray because I really don't believe in that kind of "rescuing God," or any God, for that matter. I find that to be more wishful thinking than anything else, and very disappointing in that respect. I don't believe in depending on something like that which I really can't trust within my own experience, if that makes sense to you. So, what I've found most helpful over the last thirty years or so is Buddhist meditation, specifically zazen or vipassana, which are variations of the same practice of what I would call simply "being with yourself" in the sense of self-observation, or observing your thoughts as they come and go without following or becoming involved in them, which I call "following them down the rabbit hole."

When I find myself affected by very funky moods that derive from this particular line of negative thoughts, I recommit to a daily schedule of forty minutes of zazen. These last few times I've sat have revealed certain insights of what this process is doing for me, and I trust it because it "makes absolute sense" to me and I also experience a deep sense of peace, if not self-understanding, as a result. For me, zazen effectively defuses the power of my negative thoughts over me. Though I started meditating in the local Buddhist zendo, it is probably just as effective when I do it in my own home. I don't need or particularly appreciate all the Japanese Buddhist accoutrements; I just need the self-observational, or perhaps more accurately, the thought- and body-watching attributes of the meditation.

This meditation allows one to sit and simply observe one's thoughts as they arise, and also one's tendency to "go with" the thoughts, i.e. to react and respond to them, which, in turn, creates more thoughts to react and respond to. As I sit and watch, I am able to see these thoughts as angry, or hurt, or bitter, or painful, or depressive. Sometimes I can even feel them in my muscles or in soreness and tension within my body. But my point is that, by watching the thoughts without following them further, that is, by recognizing them but not reacting to them, they lose their draw, their power, and I am more detached from them. They have not so much control over me. I can see that they are merely my thoughts; I can desensitize myself from them and not have to feel this way or that way because of them. Their power over me diminishes simply through my detached observation of them and of myself as they come into my mind. They also slow down since I am not "feeding" them with my own reactions, and they lose their intensity, and their power, until, at times, they simply ... stop.

In addition to this, as I am aware of these negative thoughts and their connections within my physical body, and as I notice them and their sensations and tensions within my body, they move around my body, sometimes becoming very intense. But then they fade away and vanish, at least for the time being, an my body becomes more and more relaxed. I find my mind becoming peaceful and my body becoming relaxed simply by doing this practice of meditation. Of course, I say "simply" knowing full well that it is not simple in the sense that it is "easy"; it requires a commitment and discipline, but, as I do it each day, I am furthered by its "positive" effects of peace, relaxation, and clarity of mind.

I offer this not as a remedy for everyone, but as something that helps me. It is within my power and not some external magical or divine deity; it is within my grasp, so to speak, and I can trust it as my own. It is not so beyond me as it is within me, which is what I prefer. For those with more faith than I, Godspeed them, but I, for one, prefer my own psychological speed of understanding and comprehension. That's how I am. I offer this in the hope that it might help someone else to find peace, relaxation, and clarity of mind.

CHAPTER ONE: THE PATH OF DEPRESSION -- A BEGINNING

This book presents depression as a process of psychological

development, self-understanding, and spiritual unfolding.

Depression is recognized as a specific means or “path” with the potential, if properly followed, to lead us to a greater sense of self-understanding based in our own comprehension, knowledge, and experience of ourselves and of our depression.

This perspective and approach to depression is radically

different than our American cultural view and practice. This

approach views depression as an initiation and preparation for an important part of our psychological and spiritual process and journey, often interpreted as an interior experience or underworld journey. This psycho-spiritual journey has much potential and offers deep wisdom personally gleaned from its experience. In this different way of viewing and working with depression, depression itself becomes a tool with which and through which we work towards our own self-discovery and self-fulfillment. Rather than fighting and fleeing from depression, it is recognized as an ally and even embraced as a friend who

bears a valuable gift for us.

Depression is considered to be a disease in American culture. It is seen as pathological and to be gotten rid of as quickly and easily as possible. Given the pain of depression, this response makes sense. Yet, the pain of depression would not be so overwhelming if we were able to see depression in a different light; as a psychological and spiritual process of giving birth to ourselves as new human beings.