STEPS 4-7 OF DEPRESSION'S SEVEN STEPS TO SELF-UNDERSTANDING

4. FIND A PLACE OF PEACE AND SAFETY WITHIN.

We observe what is occurring within ourselves in our depression. This self-observation requires that we be able to

accept our depression as it presents itself, even though we may experience strong emotions, such as fear, confusion, and

sadness. This acceptance of the depression as it presents itself to us comes as we recognize the dynamics of the depression and our reactions to it. We become more able to see what is to be expected with our depression, that is, how it works, what it does, and how we usually respond. We also recognize that it will pass and that we will somehow make it through the experience. If we can observe our depression with this kind of awareness, we begin to become familiar with our depression and the nature of its assault upon us. And, just as importantly, as we begin to observe and experience our own reactions to the depression, such as fear, despair, and a need to escape in any way, we see the part that we play in the depressive episode and the effects that we ourselves create that both exacerbate and prolong the depressive experience. What we once saw as the “assault” of depression begins to shift into an understanding of the effects of depression upon us and our own role in the process. This deeper understanding and experience of depression make us more flexible. We become more aware of ourselves and our depressive dynamics, and also less reactive to our depression and more compassionate towards ourselves.

5. ACCEPT AND OBSERVE THE DEPRESSION.

We begin to not only observe the depression in its process, but to experience it from a safe distance, and “go with the flow” of our depression. We are now better able and more prepared to notice and observe our own emotional, mental, and physical reactions. In our noticing and observing our reactions, we may recognize events and circumstances that “trigger” our traumatic memories of past pain and loss, or failed expectations and beliefs that result in depression. We may have a vague sense—a glimpse—of both the source of our depression and its purpose. And we may even begin to recognize and differentiate our “depression” from our “sadness,” and our sadness from our “loss,” and so on; recognizing that these emotions are not all the same, but have been erroneously lumped together by us and others under a single label of “depression.” These different emotions or feelings that may express themselves within the context of our depression arise from different “levels” of experience and perception within ourselves, some of which we may be aware but mostly of which we are not. For example, we may experience sadness that we automatically associate with and call “depression” from different sources: the suffering masses of the world that we witness on television every day, a pitiful homeless person on the street, the serious illness of a loved one, or the thought that our child is having to experience his or her own painful “lessons of life.”

6. NOTICE WHAT DRAWS THE DEPRESSION TO YOU.

We begin to sense that depression may not come upon us randomly, but is drawn to us by something within ourselves;

that it is even beckoned to come to us so that we might be able to understand something about ourselves, or become aware of a deeper purpose within ourselves and our lives. We may see that depression comes to us as it does because we know that we need something that heavy, that crushing, that powerful, if we are to be shaken, moved, and broken to the extent that we will be motivated to both do something—the right thing—for ourselves, and even rebuild ourselves and our lives if necessary. One of the effects of depression is disillusionment, which is normally judged by our culture to be quite negative and destructive, and therefore to be avoided at all costs. However, if our lives are so based in illusion, in false appearances, that we live superficially and are superficial, then something is wrong; this is not who we are or what we are about. We know this inside ourselves and cry out silently for something to free us from these chains of illusion. Our depression holds the power and the ability to bring dis-illusionment to us. The experience may be terrifying and incomprehensible, but, nevertheless, it contains the key to ourselves and to our self-understanding and self-mastery.

7. COMPREHEND THE PURPOSE OF YOUR DEPRESSION.

As we understand and recognize the source of our depression, we become aware of the meaning it has for us and the purpose in our lives to which it leads us. Depression is often incredibly painful in its process. Observing it and learning from it are not for the faint of heart, but for those people who are sensitized enough to be capable of consciously experiencing the suffering it brings, listening to its voice, and courageously responding to its message. People become trapped in their own emotional responses to the reality that depression presents to them, while simultaneously remaining absolutely unaware of that reality, either because it is simply too painful to accept or too deep to comprehend. As a result, the pain, despair, fear, and utter hopelessness paralyze them. However, there is the possibility that, if done right (and there is no “one right way,” by any means), a person may come to the “heart” of their depression, and discover that what they call their depression is actually a sensitivity to their own deeper self, their own soul that speaks to them through the mode and vehicle of this acute sensitivity we call depression.

Your experience of this process of Depression’s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding has the capacity to help you to reframe your relationship with your own depression and yourself. “A Technique to Access the Experience of Depression’s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding” is presented in Chapter Eight. The following chapters provide a foundation of understandingand knowledge upon which to base your experience of self-understanding.