THE NATURAL PLACE OF BREAKING DOWN

We don’t seem to realize that our lives, i.e. our worldly lives, “wind down” and then, sooner or later, end. We become so identified with our “worldly” (i.e. physical/sensory) existence that this winding down, i.e. breaking down appears as utterly unfair to us. We have no vision whatsoever of any other world, any other kind of existence, and this ignorance makes it all far worse for us. We are so far removed from death and the process of it until we ourselves or perhaps those around us begin this process of winding and breaking down.

For myself, I see that I am physically much more limited and even in pain at times. Even more, I see it happen rapidly with my wife. Yet there is a kind of birth into a new reality that begins to take place; call it an other-worldly reality. Strangely, I have become more aware of this physical, worldly reality in the process of my own winding and breaking down. When I go into the deep forest, I am aware of something beyond or behind this apparent dimension that seems to be approached, at least for me, though this worldly, physical dimension. There is an underlying presence of undistractedness, of complete centeredness, of absolute peace yet also very alive, if not a “greater life” in itself. I live more and more (and sometimes less and less) within this context of being. Whenever I “fall out of it”, i.e. of this awareness, I suffer immensely in loss, abandonment, and despair. And it is absolutely unbearable. It rather quickly breaks down any false hopes or beliefs I may have constructed to fortify an identity with this world. I am gradually returned to this sense of and life within a greater context, a greater life, if you will. Some will call this greater context, greater life, “God”, though I prefer not to since we ascribe too much agency and personality to that term. A greater context, greater life simply exists and exists for all. Jesus said as much when he stated that the sun shines on the gentile as well as the Jew; we are all chosen, so to speak, to live within this greater life. It neither loves nor hates us; it just is as it is.