THE NATURAL PLACE OF BREAKING DOWN

We don’t seem to realize that our lives, i.e. our worldly lives, “wind down” and then, sooner or later, end. We become so identified with our “worldly” (i.e. physical/sensory) existence that this winding down, i.e. breaking down appears as utterly unfair to us. We have no vision whatsoever of any other world, any other kind of existence, and this ignorance makes it all far worse for us. We are so far removed from death and the process of it until we ourselves or perhaps those around us begin this process of winding and breaking down.

For myself, I see that I am physically much more limited and even in pain at times. Even more, I see it happen rapidly with my wife. Yet there is a kind of birth into a new reality that begins to take place; call it an other-worldly reality. Strangely, I have become more aware of this physical, worldly reality in the process of my own winding and breaking down. When I go into the deep forest, I am aware of something beyond or behind this apparent dimension that seems to be approached, at least for me, though this worldly, physical dimension. There is an underlying presence of undistractedness, of complete centeredness, of absolute peace yet also very alive, if not a “greater life” in itself. I live more and more (and sometimes less and less) within this context of being. Whenever I “fall out of it”, i.e. of this awareness, I suffer immensely in loss, abandonment, and despair. And it is absolutely unbearable. It rather quickly breaks down any false hopes or beliefs I may have constructed to fortify an identity with this world. I am gradually returned to this sense of and life within a greater context, a greater life, if you will. Some will call this greater context, greater life, “God”, though I prefer not to since we ascribe too much agency and personality to that term. A greater context, greater life simply exists and exists for all. Jesus said as much when he stated that the sun shines on the gentile as well as the Jew; we are all chosen, so to speak, to live within this greater life. It neither loves nor hates us; it just is as it is.

THE DIRECTIONS OF DEPRESSION

Depression has many directions. Again, what is proposed here is that depression, as it occurs in our lives, does have personal meaning for us, and also, that it has its own reasons for being there.


Depression has the capacity to lead us to profound self-understanding and self-mastery, however, if we view and experience depression as a curse, we will surely feel and be cursed. On the other hand, if we can accept and experience that depression contains within it a way through its hellishness, we may be able to view it as a blessing, even a gift. This particular understanding and insight are only available to those who have depression, for they, as much as they might prefer it otherwise, are no longer able to live in their illusions of belief, safety,
contentment, and convention.
 

Those who have depression possess the key to their inner selves, their own soul, their own underworld, and such a journey awaits them. It is not an easy journey by any means.We do “go through the fires,” but the fires purify us of our false and self-destructive beliefs and actions. And the accompanying disillusionment of depression actually can lead us out of the darkness of our self-ignorance into the light of our self-understanding.

Those who are called to depression, to this particular level and kind of sensitivity—mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual—are drawn to this journey. They are among those who have become sensitive enough and disillusioned enough to begin moving into heretofore new territory within themselves, and perhaps in the outer world as well. With some external guidance combined with their own self-guidance, they can witness for themselves the “light at the end of the tunnel,” and consciously move in its direction.

We each have our own particular journey, however, a guide that points out the universal reference points and direction markers on the journey can make a difference. In fact, we are literally surrounded by these reference points and direction-markers all the time. We must simply learn to be able to recognize them. This is the function of a guide. This book helps us to recognize the guidance which is right in front of us and within us. It does require that we be open to such guidance so that we might learn to recognize it and benefit from it.