THE NATURAL PLACE OF BREAKING DOWN

We don’t seem to realize that our lives, i.e. our worldly lives, “wind down” and then, sooner or later, end. We become so identified with our “worldly” (i.e. physical/sensory) existence that this winding down, i.e. breaking down appears as utterly unfair to us. We have no vision whatsoever of any other world, any other kind of existence, and this ignorance makes it all far worse for us. We are so far removed from death and the process of it until we ourselves or perhaps those around us begin this process of winding and breaking down.

For myself, I see that I am physically much more limited and even in pain at times. Even more, I see it happen rapidly with my wife. Yet there is a kind of birth into a new reality that begins to take place; call it an other-worldly reality. Strangely, I have become more aware of this physical, worldly reality in the process of my own winding and breaking down. When I go into the deep forest, I am aware of something beyond or behind this apparent dimension that seems to be approached, at least for me, though this worldly, physical dimension. There is an underlying presence of undistractedness, of complete centeredness, of absolute peace yet also very alive, if not a “greater life” in itself. I live more and more (and sometimes less and less) within this context of being. Whenever I “fall out of it”, i.e. of this awareness, I suffer immensely in loss, abandonment, and despair. And it is absolutely unbearable. It rather quickly breaks down any false hopes or beliefs I may have constructed to fortify an identity with this world. I am gradually returned to this sense of and life within a greater context, a greater life, if you will. Some will call this greater context, greater life, “God”, though I prefer not to since we ascribe too much agency and personality to that term. A greater context, greater life simply exists and exists for all. Jesus said as much when he stated that the sun shines on the gentile as well as the Jew; we are all chosen, so to speak, to live within this greater life. It neither loves nor hates us; it just is as it is.

THE GIFT OF DEPRESSION

'The gift of depression? Is this guy crazy? I'm sorry but it ain't no gift to me! It's a curse! Who doesn't know that?' I would say that most people with depression would have that response.

However, what if we were to view depression as a gift rather than as a curse? Again, most people with depression would probably ask: 'Why on earth would I ever want to do that with a condition so utterly painful and unbearable?'  True, depression is utterly painful and unbearable for many, including myself. But, does something that is utterly painful and unbearable have to be only a curse? Can it be something else for us, something of value, something that can even help us to understand ourselves and live our lives better?


I'm not talking about attitudinal change; I'm talking about recognizing a greater context in which life occurs, in which we and our lives occur. What if this pain of depression actually had some kind of purpose in our lives? A purpose that we might only become aware of if we could see that this depression actually brings a certain kind of awareness and sensitivity to us, or, to put it in the opposite way, our particular awareness and sensitivity bring us into a painful state that we call 'depression'. I believe--and have experienced--that this may actually be how it is (for myself and a good many others); that there is a greater context in which our depression does bring us a deeper comprehension of not only our own lives and ourselves, but of existence itself. Of course it only brings this deeper understanding if we open ourselves to it and are willing to give ourselves a chance. This does not mean that we want our depression or seek it, or that we love misery or self-pity; it just means that we recognize our situation and realize that we need to face it and ourselves in some more realistic way.


Does the depression, the sensitivity, the awareness, and the accompanying 'difficulty' go away when we approach it in this way, with this understanding? Well, the depression, the sensitivity, and the awareness do not go away, however, they are changed. The sense of unbearable pain changes when we see that something valuable is being given to us in and through our 'depression'. Once we experience for ourselves that we are being given a 'gift' of self-understanding and appreciation of self, others, and life, it is very hard to be 'depressed' in the sense that we are being victimized. We see that we are receiving the 'gift of depression'.


I recognized and experienced this reality so clearly that I wrote a book about it! It took almost three years for it to work itself through me, but I did it. That in itself was a gift; I couldn't do it now. It was as though the depression contained a message for me to convey to all those who have what we call 'depression'. In addition to that, I have worked with many people in groups and classes on 'understanding depression'. Many people in these groups and classes have most definitely benefited from the perspectives and exercises presented by me and in my book. I have seen this for myself and they have told me. Thus, it's worth a try. There is so much more to 'depression' than we know, believe, or have been told! But to discover this 'much more', we need to be willing to look and to be open to ourselves, and others who may have something to offer us.

GETTING BACK TO IT

I obviously had a bit of a hiatus these past few months. My wife, Amy Pierovich, is very ill (as well as being disabled) with Fibromyalgia, and I have been editing her book, Tradition and Change in Urban China: A Critical Hermeneutic Inquiry of Language, Culture and Identity in Shanghai, in addition to caring for her.

However, now I am back. To be honest, it also seemed to me that absolutely no one ever reads this blog, so I simply wasn't very inspired to continue. However, I have decided to continue with the blog "just in case" someone might be helped in understanding and working with their depression--so that they and their life improve.

I might add something here regarding depression that some may find interesting. Let me paraphrase something from Alice Bailey's Esoteric Healing [Lucis Trust, New York, 1953](p.566): "... the soul's [product of the merging of spirit and matter] inclination to 'the good' can bring about resistance upon the physical plane so that the turmoil thus engendered in the consciousness ... can and does produce disease. This type of disease is responsible for many of the difficulties of advanced people, aspirants and disciples. This 'friction' produces then a secondary reaction and leads to those psychological conditions to which we give the name 'depression, an inferiority complex, and the sense of failure.' This particular source of disease, 'the Good,' is one that primarily affects the mental types."

I'll share one more section, On Problems of Melancholia [Depression] (pp.338-9), from the same book: "These problems of melancholia are ... due to a wide variety of causes.
1. A sense of frustration, a thwarted wish-life, or a recognition of a basic life failure.
2. A sense of dramatics, and a desire to figure importantly on the little stage of a person's life. This can often be quite unrealized and have a truly subconscious origin, or it can be a carefully cultivated habit or attitude.
3. A devitalized condition, largely of an etheric nature, which robs life of all joy and desire and presents always a sense of futility. Many women passing through the menopause experience this.
4. A certain form of breakdown in the cells found in a a particular area of the brain.
5. Based on fear of insanity and of death--a baseless fear which has never materialized but which does constitute an idee fixe, so that the person is the victim of a well-developed thoughtform.
6. A tuning-in, through oversensitivity, on the suffering and massed pain of the world. Disciples can be temporarily overcome by this.
7. This condition is very seldom brought about by any form of obsession such as 'an earthbound entity or a living vampire-like person.'
8. Sometimes a person tunes in on a state of massed melancholia, such as can be found in our sanitariums or asylums. The condition has then nothing really to do with him, but being sensitive, he identifies himself with those who are suffering from acute melancholia.
9. Melancholia, as a symptom of disease (not of brain disease) is also fairly frequent and will disappear when the disease is under proper treatment."

This source is primarily theosophical in its perspective and approach. Many of its essential ideas exist in other approaches, at least to some extent, such as Jung's work. Both sources, among others, are also reflected in my book, which is available on this blogpage.

AN INTRODUCTION TO "DEPRESSION'S SEVEN STEPS TO SELF-UNDERSTANDING"

As a result of my experience in working with others and myself, and through my study and research of Western and Eastern philosophy, psychology, mythology, anthropology, history, theology, and indigenous traditions, I have come to recognize and delineate various “steps” or phases that occur within the process of depression. Each of these phases needs to be consciously experienced and integrated if one is to be able to understand, see through, and consequently move through the confining and often arresting condition of depression.

I present them in this chapter in a preliminary and introductory form to illustrate the developmental parts of the process of depression so that you might begin to absorb and integrate this information, consciously and unconsciously, and thus become more receptive and permeable to its actual experience as you proceed through this book.

The intent is that, by the time you reach Chapters Seven and Eight, you will eventually consciously work with these phases as they occur within you; utilizing them specifically

as you experience each step of the depressive process within yourself. Depression‘s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding are logical, understandable, and practical, both in their composition and their progression, and make complete psychological sense.

It would be very helpful at this point to hold the possibility

in your mind that we are able to comprehend “lessons” of

self-understanding within and through our own depression. A formal presentation of Depression‘s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding is given in Chapter Seven, which also includes a more thorough examination and discussion. But it is important that these developmental steps in the process of depression be introduced now, since they may be new and unfamiliar, and it is vital that we familiarize ourselves with these new ideas and feel as comfortable as possible with this notion of self-understanding through depression.

Depression is perhaps most clearly understood as possessing two parts: the depression itself, and our reaction to this initial depression. When depression initially appears, we don’t necessarily “see it coming,” and may therefore experience it as quite alien to ourselves. As the recipients or “victims” of this depression, we instantly react to it, and, through our reactions and responses, create and establish our own particular relationship with depression, including our mode of dealing or not dealing with it.

In depth psychology, depression is considered to come from

the psyche, the soul, or what is called “the unconscious,” the

unknown part of ourselves. In addition to this, the psyche-soul, in and of itself, is considered to have its own existence and identity, connected with our conscious being, yet also

independent. Thus, the psyche-soul is seen as having power

not only in its own life, but also in ours. This overpowering

influence upon us has often been referred to as “destiny,” “fate,” or “God’s will.”

These depth psychological ideas regarding the psyche or soul and the part it plays in our lives may be difficult to understand, much less accept, at this point, but in our intention of learning to work with and learn from depression, it is helpful and practical to see it in this way. Otherwise, we will want and try to believe that the process of depression is all under our control and that we should therefore understand its operation and its goals. Such a belief, which is only partly true, is an obstacle to our receptivity, understanding, and ultimate acceptance of our depression as it is rather than as we would like it to be. In this process of coming to terms with our depression, we therefore work both with ourselves as we respond and relate to our depression, and also with our depression as if it were a

separate entity.

Depression’s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding illustrate a

process through which we expand our viewpoints to include

other perspectives and possibilities pertaining to depression,

and also in which we open up our views of ourselves to include a greater spectrum, resulting in an expanded understanding of who and what we are and can be. These perspectives and possibilities are discussed further in the next chapter.

The formal presentation of Depression‘s Seven Steps to Self-

Understanding in Chapter Seven is similar in many ways to this preliminary introduction, however, to provide this blueprint for you now will lend itself to the building of your own structure of comprehension upon a firm foundation that you will be able to utilize for yourself in your own life. Once you take in the information, knowledge, and perspectives provided in the ensuing chapters, and participate in the experience of Depression‘s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding, you will have a much greater understanding of the deeper process of depression presented in Chapters Seven and Eight, and will be more able to actually employ this understanding in the living of your own life.

Following in the next edition of this blog is the preliminary presentation of Depression‘s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding. At this point it is best to just read, absorb, and accept them as best you can, even if you have doubts and questions. You needn’t believe them nor accept them as true, but do consider the possibility that this process to self-understanding through depression may be possible. You may, if you like, imagine how it might unfold within you and manifest in your life. However, the intent at this point is simply for you to be exposed to this view of the depressive process as a way to an eventual attainment of deep self-understanding. Again, there is perhaps new information for you that is given here. Just read it, take it in, and don’t try to figure it all out, necessarily understand it, or experience it at this point. You’ll have ample opportunity to do that later.

        

THE DIRECTIONS OF DEPRESSION

Depression has many directions. Again, what is proposed here is that depression, as it occurs in our lives, does have personal meaning for us, and also, that it has its own reasons for being there.


Depression has the capacity to lead us to profound self-understanding and self-mastery, however, if we view and experience depression as a curse, we will surely feel and be cursed. On the other hand, if we can accept and experience that depression contains within it a way through its hellishness, we may be able to view it as a blessing, even a gift. This particular understanding and insight are only available to those who have depression, for they, as much as they might prefer it otherwise, are no longer able to live in their illusions of belief, safety,
contentment, and convention.
 

Those who have depression possess the key to their inner selves, their own soul, their own underworld, and such a journey awaits them. It is not an easy journey by any means.We do “go through the fires,” but the fires purify us of our false and self-destructive beliefs and actions. And the accompanying disillusionment of depression actually can lead us out of the darkness of our self-ignorance into the light of our self-understanding.

Those who are called to depression, to this particular level and kind of sensitivity—mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual—are drawn to this journey. They are among those who have become sensitive enough and disillusioned enough to begin moving into heretofore new territory within themselves, and perhaps in the outer world as well. With some external guidance combined with their own self-guidance, they can witness for themselves the “light at the end of the tunnel,” and consciously move in its direction.

We each have our own particular journey, however, a guide that points out the universal reference points and direction markers on the journey can make a difference. In fact, we are literally surrounded by these reference points and direction-markers all the time. We must simply learn to be able to recognize them. This is the function of a guide. This book helps us to recognize the guidance which is right in front of us and within us. It does require that we be open to such guidance so that we might learn to recognize it and benefit from it.

SEEING DEPRESSION AS A SPIRITUAL DIRECTIVE

I'd like to discuss the notion of "depression as a spiritual path". I don't think we should necessarily view depression in this way, since in my own experience with myself and others, depression, if understood properly and experienced deeply and honestly, has the capacity to point us in what might be called "spiritual" directions.

I definitely do not see depression as a "disease", though it can certainly be a chronic condition. I suppose it is a disease if it comes upon us and we react to it as if it were a disease, keeping it in place and essentially maintaining it in our ignorance of what it may hold for our spiritual, or psycho-spiritual direction and development.

Depression is not to be seen as a "spiritual path" because it is not an end in itself; it points beyond itself. However, its nature is deep and psychic, that is, pertaining to the soul, the psyche, and it consequently has a strongly spiritual component and power--if we are willing and able to learn from it and "use" it properly.

Another point I wish to make is that I don't believe there is any "cure" for depression. I say this because I see depression as a component of our psycho-spiritual process, rather than as a disease to be cured. Depression is at least partly a sensitivity to the voice of our own soul, or deeper self. If misunderstood or misinterpreted, which is the norm in our culture, depression does become a chronic condition, and it causes profound suffering on many levels of consciousness and unconsciousness. If we see depression as our "soul-sensitivity", our goal is to comprehend it and experience it from this perspective and in this way, rather than to be "cured" or "healed" of it. "Soul-sensitivity" is fraught with much self-responsibility. That level of sensitivity is a deeper-than-normal awareness. It is actually a gift, however, it is also a blessing and a curse. Sometimes we are aware of more than we want to be aware of. Sometimes we feel the suffering that exists in the world itself, and wish we were not so sensitive. But, in fact, we are, and there is no denying that reality and fact. And there is no getting away from ourselves.

Our "depression" or soul-sensitivity will stay with us probably for our whole lives. We will never really lose this sensitivity. However, as we come to understand it and experience it in its peace-bringing qualities, we will not suffer so intensely and ignorantly as a result of it. I try to practice zazen, Zen Buddhist meditation, every day. For me, it becomes very much an exercise in self-observation--of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, bodily sensations--and in this practice, I have to "sit with" whatever is bothering me or painfully affecting me the most. I sit "in" it, feel it, watch it, experience it, and this is profoundly difficult and painful oftentimes. There is no escape from myself in this "soul-sensitivity" or depression. And, though I vow I'll never "sit" again, I try to last through the meditation. And the next day, I sit again--not because I force myself, but because I want to and because I know it is what I need to do for myself. Though I make it sound like torture, it also has its moments of profound experience of being "free", that is, of being beyond myself in a state of "no-self". We each have our own way of "being with ourselves as we are" and I mention this as my way. Your own way will be discovered by you. In my book, I present questions to ask yourself to help promote an understanding and a relationship between you and your soul. The depression or soul-sensitivity qualifies you as one who may be able to have this kind of contact with your inner self or spiritual-self, as it were.

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I am in the process of converting my book into a series of on-line educational seminars for those who prefer this kind of presentation and learning experience. It breaks the book down into bite-size pieces and provides opportunities to experience an exercise in each "class" of each seminar. I will keep you informed of the progress of this endeavor.


I will be providing a free introductory seminar to the series to give people an opportunity to sample the seminars and to sign up and purchase one to see if they like it or to purchase the whole series at a discount. The price will be quite reasonable. I'll let you know when the free introductory seminar is ready.

ON "MAKING SENSE" OF DEPRESSION

The term, “depression,” has come to have many meanings in our culture. For us to be able to approach depression with a degree of helpful and applicable understanding, depression must be seen from different perspectives and also deconstructed or broken down to its particular components. We therefore approach depression from medical, historical, cultural, psychological, spiritual, philosophical, mythical, and literary points of view. Though these perspectives often overlap and parallel each other, the knowledge and understanding of them provides a broader spectrum and greater context in which to consider depression and ourselves in depression.

Each perspective on depression is related to and builds upon each other perspective to provide a kind of overall foundational structure, however, individuals have their own ways of seeing and interpreting, that is, their particular subjective philosophical and psycho-spiritual frameworks. Consequently, any particular perspective is to be questioned and put to the test by the individual, but still with a respect for its possible viability for others. We attempt to define and come to terms with depression, a state that is practically indefinable due to an understanding that must be interpreted through individual experience and is therefore perpetually changing.

An effect of treating depression with too much logic and organization based in a need to “make sense of” and rationally

understand depression is to destroy the integrity and freedom of the spirit of the depression by limiting it only to certain

boundaries, structures, and origins that provide us and the "clinical experts" with a sense of control over the depression. Clinical and scientific “factual” descriptions of depression, though valuable in their categorization and delineation, can be and are misleading. First of all, the “facts” involved are interpretations from observations which may or may not be accurate and are set within their own interpretive context or viewpoint. Second of all, those experiencing depression experience it differently than their observers and note-takers, ascribing importance to different aspects and qualities, and
interpreting their experiences differently than their observers. The “blanket” descriptions given us by the experts who do their best to provide objective descriptions do not convey what is an inherently intensely personal and subjective experience. Such descriptions are like trying to convey the beauty and experience of a sunrise in a factually descriptive news report.

Instead, consider that the depression contains and carries its own reason for expressing itself, which is combined with our own unique experience of it. Consider depression to be like the Muse who inspires the poet to write the poem by simply descending upon him or her. In our observations of depression itself and of the different ways in which it appears and through which we experience it, for now it would be most helpful to see depression as coming of its own accord upon us. The rationale for this is will be understood in due time.

There is a logic and an order in this exploration of depression;

however, it is similar to the logic and order in a work of art. The logical and orderly framework and technique are present in Michelangelo’s Mona Lisa, but what we see, are affected by, and respond to is much more than it mechanics or structure. Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony is presented by means of many

individual instruments, each producing its own particular sound

according to musical notes written on a page, however, we are moved by the power and beauty of the music as a whole.

This book in all its components, harmonious and discordant, defined by spaces of silence, may be received as a symphony that, through its wholeness, has the capacity to move and affect us as a whole, rather than just our intellect or emotions or body or soul. To accomplish this level of receptivity, experience, and understanding, we do the best we can; observing ourselves and our own personal dynamics as much as possible. And that’s as far as we need to go with our self-observation. We listen to the music or take in the painting as it is in this moment. It affects us as it affects us in this moment and we pay attention to that. We hear it as we hear it and see it as we see it. And so be it. It is never the same; our experience changes. There is no measurement or comparison to be made even if we believe we “could have done better.” Hearing the music simply as you hear it is a more authentic and enjoyable experience than wondering if you’re hearing it as you’re supposed to hear it. When I listen to Beethoven’s Seventh, sometimes I am moved to tears,

sometimes the repeated tonal themes stand out, and sometimes I hear the tension-creating gaps both in the rhythm and in the discordance. It is never the same. Nor am I the same.