DEFUSING THE POWER OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

(WHAT FOLLOWS IS NOT A PART OF MY BOOK, HOWEVER IT IS QUITE RELEVANT TO THE TOPIC OF DEPRESSION...)

I can be quite a "negative" thinker at times; full of thoughts of anger, disappointment, failure, hurt, etc. In the past I have been able to maintain a "positive" outlook, reflecting faith in myself, in life, in others, and a hope and confidence that I could "keep on keeping on" in spite of life's challenges and difficulties. But the "negative thinking" of hopelessness and despair sometimes is sometimes simply "what's there" and is not about to be replaced with "positive thinking" regardless of how hard I may try to accomplish this. At these times what might be referred to as "depression" takes hold of my thoughts and prevails at least for a while, perhaps a few days. Whatever I see is interpreted in such a way that I am a victim or others are victims at the effect and mercy of something or someone else. This state of mind is accompanied by a powerlessness and hopelessness that I can even feel in my body as it becomes sore and exhausted, causing me to want to just sleep.

During these times I seek some kind of relief from this onslaught of negative thoughts. I don't pray because I really don't believe in that kind of "rescuing God," or any God, for that matter. I find that to be more wishful thinking than anything else, and very disappointing in that respect. I don't believe in depending on something like that which I really can't trust within my own experience, if that makes sense to you. So, what I've found most helpful over the last thirty years or so is Buddhist meditation, specifically zazen or vipassana, which are variations of the same practice of what I would call simply "being with yourself" in the sense of self-observation, or observing your thoughts as they come and go without following or becoming involved in them, which I call "following them down the rabbit hole."

When I find myself affected by very funky moods that derive from this particular line of negative thoughts, I recommit to a daily schedule of forty minutes of zazen. These last few times I've sat have revealed certain insights of what this process is doing for me, and I trust it because it "makes absolute sense" to me and I also experience a deep sense of peace, if not self-understanding, as a result. For me, zazen effectively defuses the power of my negative thoughts over me. Though I started meditating in the local Buddhist zendo, it is probably just as effective when I do it in my own home. I don't need or particularly appreciate all the Japanese Buddhist accoutrements; I just need the self-observational, or perhaps more accurately, the thought- and body-watching attributes of the meditation.

This meditation allows one to sit and simply observe one's thoughts as they arise, and also one's tendency to "go with" the thoughts, i.e. to react and respond to them, which, in turn, creates more thoughts to react and respond to. As I sit and watch, I am able to see these thoughts as angry, or hurt, or bitter, or painful, or depressive. Sometimes I can even feel them in my muscles or in soreness and tension within my body. But my point is that, by watching the thoughts without following them further, that is, by recognizing them but not reacting to them, they lose their draw, their power, and I am more detached from them. They have not so much control over me. I can see that they are merely my thoughts; I can desensitize myself from them and not have to feel this way or that way because of them. Their power over me diminishes simply through my detached observation of them and of myself as they come into my mind. They also slow down since I am not "feeding" them with my own reactions, and they lose their intensity, and their power, until, at times, they simply ... stop.

In addition to this, as I am aware of these negative thoughts and their connections within my physical body, and as I notice them and their sensations and tensions within my body, they move around my body, sometimes becoming very intense. But then they fade away and vanish, at least for the time being, an my body becomes more and more relaxed. I find my mind becoming peaceful and my body becoming relaxed simply by doing this practice of meditation. Of course, I say "simply" knowing full well that it is not simple in the sense that it is "easy"; it requires a commitment and discipline, but, as I do it each day, I am furthered by its "positive" effects of peace, relaxation, and clarity of mind.

I offer this not as a remedy for everyone, but as something that helps me. It is within my power and not some external magical or divine deity; it is within my grasp, so to speak, and I can trust it as my own. It is not so beyond me as it is within me, which is what I prefer. For those with more faith than I, Godspeed them, but I, for one, prefer my own psychological speed of understanding and comprehension. That's how I am. I offer this in the hope that it might help someone else to find peace, relaxation, and clarity of mind.

CHAPTER ONE: THE PATH OF DEPRESSION -- A BEGINNING

This book presents depression as a process of psychological

development, self-understanding, and spiritual unfolding.

Depression is recognized as a specific means or “path” with the potential, if properly followed, to lead us to a greater sense of self-understanding based in our own comprehension, knowledge, and experience of ourselves and of our depression.

This perspective and approach to depression is radically

different than our American cultural view and practice. This

approach views depression as an initiation and preparation for an important part of our psychological and spiritual process and journey, often interpreted as an interior experience or underworld journey. This psycho-spiritual journey has much potential and offers deep wisdom personally gleaned from its experience. In this different way of viewing and working with depression, depression itself becomes a tool with which and through which we work towards our own self-discovery and self-fulfillment. Rather than fighting and fleeing from depression, it is recognized as an ally and even embraced as a friend who

bears a valuable gift for us.

Depression is considered to be a disease in American culture. It is seen as pathological and to be gotten rid of as quickly and easily as possible. Given the pain of depression, this response makes sense. Yet, the pain of depression would not be so overwhelming if we were able to see depression in a different light; as a psychological and spiritual process of giving birth to ourselves as new human beings.

LEARNING TO NAVIGATE IN UNCHARTERED WATERS

This book seeks to assist us in unraveling and understanding depression and our relationship with it in the form of our reactions to it and what it brings to us. In medieval times, people believed the earth was flat and that they would fall off the edge if venturing beyond the established boundaries of “civilization.” To even imagine such an endeavor caused a deep, irrational fear of the unknown to the European medieval person. A similar fear surrounds that state of mind and soul we call “depression.” The great unknown expanses of the seas in medieval times in fact did hold many dangers for anyone who sailed too far away from the mainland. It was uncharted territory and those who took the risk had to be prepared, attentive, and able to learn and adapt quickly.

The unknown ocean within ourselves gives rise to what we call depression, and does hold many dangers of which we are rightfully cautious and fearful. Yet, it is a sea that can be navigated and traversed. It is a great ocean containing many wonders and treasures; particularly the treasure of our own deeper selves, our own hearts, and our own souls. To be willing to fathom our own depression is to encounter the depths of Hell and the heights of Heaven. If we are to sail upon the great unknown sea, learning the skills of the mariner, and understanding and respecting the sea in all its power and in its friendship, is invaluable. To come to know and understand ourselves and become more familiar with

the many parts of ourselves in the deepening journey allows us to trust and accept ourselves more and to move forward not in fear and not only in faith, but also in self-knowledge.

This book is offered as a guide for those who wish to undertake this perilous but vital journey. It is meant for those courageous and open-minded enough to believe and have faith that their depression, as painful and unbearable as it may be, is, in fact, a gift given them that they might use its lessons and teachings to come to recognize and accept themselves, and appreciate the fullness of the being they are and the life they have. It is for those willing and able to finally recognize depression as a spiritual and psychological unfolding path of understanding that can inherently direct us and lead us forward through the “afflictions” brought on by our sensitivity, awareness, and attention both present within and required by the state of depression itself. People with this kind of sensitivity, courage, and intelligence have the capacity to become aware of the purposefulness of depression and of the service they may offer through their understanding if they can come to comprehend and know through their own experience that this “curse” of depression is also a blessing.