TONGLEN: A WAY TO PEACE DURING DEPRESSION

There is a practice that can be quite effectively put to use to bring a sense of peace while in the throes of depression. I’ve used it for myself and, though initially a bit shocked by its counter-intuitive approach, have found it to be very effective and, what’s more, very empowering in the sense that it revealed to me that I have a choice in the matter.

But let me introduce this practice through a brief story. I go deep into the nearby forest as often as possible and just sit there in the midst of great redwoods. The silence of that place and the peace I feel is beyond explanation and even imagination. I am simply in the presence of the great power and stillness of nature, and I seem to absorb it into my very being. Every thought I have, every stress I feel, just falls away and dissolves. Nature has this ever-abundant capacity to regenerate life. It is able to experience and absorb great destruction, such as when the babbling brook in this deep forest becomes an overflowing, surging river each winter, destroying trees and ripping away its riverbanks. But then, within a short time, the water recedes, and very soon new shoots appear; new growth takes over the whole forest.

I am speaking of a Buddhist practice, tonglen, which I now recognize within nature as this capacity to find new life within itself after great destruction has occurred or perhaps even as it is occurring. Tonglen could probably best be compared to the Christian practice of forgiveness, though, to me, it is far greater in context and effect. I tried this practice for myself many years ago, but found it simply too counter-intuitive to continue it. It is a breathing in of the experience of sadness, pain, hurt, fear, anger, bitterness, or any feeling that we would normally want to avoid, holding it and fully experiencing it for a moment, and then breathing out joy, love, kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Obviously, this is not what most of us want to do or believe we can do; thus, it is quite counter-intuitive, and something we just wouldn’t want to do. It’s most often practiced when one is faced with these attitudes as expressed by others often at oneself, however, it can also be practiced when one is experiencing these emotions within oneself.

I have practiced tonglen when faced with my own emotions and thoughts, including depression and its myriad feelings, in addition to practicing it when faced with others who are expressing intense “negative” emotions either only towards themselves and/or at me. It was only after spending time in the forest alone that I understood the natural power of this practice. Prior to this experience of nature, I simply couldn’t conceive that such a practice could work. Now, having practiced it for a while, I feel compelled to share it with others as a way to effectively work with and help ourselves in the midst of depression. When experiencing depression, my initial reaction is to definitely not want to be experiencing it, and even more definitely not to want to “breathe it all in” and to really feel and experience it deeply. However, I am able to overcome this reluctance and fear, knowing now that the practice really does work and is very empowering, revealing to me that I actually do have a store of love and joy and kindness within me that I can readily access.

I breathe in whatever I am feeling, including also whatever I am thinking, and I allow myself to experience and feel it deep within my being. It can be quite difficult and painful, bringing tears of sorrow and injustice and absolute aloneness, however, I allow myself to breathe it in and then hold it for a moment and even observe it from within. And then I breathe out joy and love and healing, even with a smile on my lips. This exhalation is not forced nor phony nor just in my head; it is real. I am relaxed and amazed that such joy and love can possibly exist within me, much less be expressed by me, but it is. When I exhale in this way, all the pain that had been there within me is gone, dissolved. However, if I notice that the depression and its feelings and thoughts return to me, I continue to practice this inhalation and exhalation several times until the depressive thoughts and feelings are actually gone. When I did this technique initially, I really wasn’t sure if it would work at all; in fact I was quite doubtful. But I really did “put my heart into it,” trusted that it could work, and it did. I was amazed. I really didn’t know that I “had it in me” to that extent.

The practice of tonglen has definitely helped me. I haven’t tried it with anyone else as yet, but I plan to. It does take a bit of faith, however, once one has a glimpse or a sense of its effectiveness, it gets easier and easier, and more effective as well. I think it was Chogyam Trungpa’s particular presentation on tonglen in Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness that not only inspired me but also had a kind of logic that resonated with me. I’ll present some of his words verbatim here though not in this edition.

This is one practice that can help with depression. There are others, some of which are explored closely in my book. I do speak of self-observation or self-experience that is akin to both contemplation and zazen. Tonglen is more demanding that these, and probably more “sudden” in its effects. Obviously, it will be more effective for some than for others. Again, I plan to use it with people I’m working with.

STEPS 4-7 OF DEPRESSION'S SEVEN STEPS TO SELF-UNDERSTANDING

4. FIND A PLACE OF PEACE AND SAFETY WITHIN.

We observe what is occurring within ourselves in our depression. This self-observation requires that we be able to

accept our depression as it presents itself, even though we may experience strong emotions, such as fear, confusion, and

sadness. This acceptance of the depression as it presents itself to us comes as we recognize the dynamics of the depression and our reactions to it. We become more able to see what is to be expected with our depression, that is, how it works, what it does, and how we usually respond. We also recognize that it will pass and that we will somehow make it through the experience. If we can observe our depression with this kind of awareness, we begin to become familiar with our depression and the nature of its assault upon us. And, just as importantly, as we begin to observe and experience our own reactions to the depression, such as fear, despair, and a need to escape in any way, we see the part that we play in the depressive episode and the effects that we ourselves create that both exacerbate and prolong the depressive experience. What we once saw as the “assault” of depression begins to shift into an understanding of the effects of depression upon us and our own role in the process. This deeper understanding and experience of depression make us more flexible. We become more aware of ourselves and our depressive dynamics, and also less reactive to our depression and more compassionate towards ourselves.

5. ACCEPT AND OBSERVE THE DEPRESSION.

We begin to not only observe the depression in its process, but to experience it from a safe distance, and “go with the flow” of our depression. We are now better able and more prepared to notice and observe our own emotional, mental, and physical reactions. In our noticing and observing our reactions, we may recognize events and circumstances that “trigger” our traumatic memories of past pain and loss, or failed expectations and beliefs that result in depression. We may have a vague sense—a glimpse—of both the source of our depression and its purpose. And we may even begin to recognize and differentiate our “depression” from our “sadness,” and our sadness from our “loss,” and so on; recognizing that these emotions are not all the same, but have been erroneously lumped together by us and others under a single label of “depression.” These different emotions or feelings that may express themselves within the context of our depression arise from different “levels” of experience and perception within ourselves, some of which we may be aware but mostly of which we are not. For example, we may experience sadness that we automatically associate with and call “depression” from different sources: the suffering masses of the world that we witness on television every day, a pitiful homeless person on the street, the serious illness of a loved one, or the thought that our child is having to experience his or her own painful “lessons of life.”

6. NOTICE WHAT DRAWS THE DEPRESSION TO YOU.

We begin to sense that depression may not come upon us randomly, but is drawn to us by something within ourselves;

that it is even beckoned to come to us so that we might be able to understand something about ourselves, or become aware of a deeper purpose within ourselves and our lives. We may see that depression comes to us as it does because we know that we need something that heavy, that crushing, that powerful, if we are to be shaken, moved, and broken to the extent that we will be motivated to both do something—the right thing—for ourselves, and even rebuild ourselves and our lives if necessary. One of the effects of depression is disillusionment, which is normally judged by our culture to be quite negative and destructive, and therefore to be avoided at all costs. However, if our lives are so based in illusion, in false appearances, that we live superficially and are superficial, then something is wrong; this is not who we are or what we are about. We know this inside ourselves and cry out silently for something to free us from these chains of illusion. Our depression holds the power and the ability to bring dis-illusionment to us. The experience may be terrifying and incomprehensible, but, nevertheless, it contains the key to ourselves and to our self-understanding and self-mastery.

7. COMPREHEND THE PURPOSE OF YOUR DEPRESSION.

As we understand and recognize the source of our depression, we become aware of the meaning it has for us and the purpose in our lives to which it leads us. Depression is often incredibly painful in its process. Observing it and learning from it are not for the faint of heart, but for those people who are sensitized enough to be capable of consciously experiencing the suffering it brings, listening to its voice, and courageously responding to its message. People become trapped in their own emotional responses to the reality that depression presents to them, while simultaneously remaining absolutely unaware of that reality, either because it is simply too painful to accept or too deep to comprehend. As a result, the pain, despair, fear, and utter hopelessness paralyze them. However, there is the possibility that, if done right (and there is no “one right way,” by any means), a person may come to the “heart” of their depression, and discover that what they call their depression is actually a sensitivity to their own deeper self, their own soul that speaks to them through the mode and vehicle of this acute sensitivity we call depression.

Your experience of this process of Depression’s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding has the capacity to help you to reframe your relationship with your own depression and yourself. “A Technique to Access the Experience of Depression’s Seven Steps to Self-Understanding” is presented in Chapter Eight. The following chapters provide a foundation of understandingand knowledge upon which to base your experience of self-understanding.

The Wisdom of Depression

Do not run from your depression or hide from your despair for they hold wisdom within their pain. They offer you something worthwhile if you would but hold them gently and inquisitively. Inquire and they will speak to you, telling you the truth about yourself and many things. Befriend them and you will understand. They are there for you, and have come not to hurt you but to help you, knowing that you have beckoned them deeply.

More on this topic will follow soon.

STEPS 1-3 OF DEPRESSION'S 7 STEPS TO SELF-UNDERSTANDING

1. RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS OF DEPRESSION'S APPROACH

We recognize the signs that depression is oncoming. Such recognition of the ways in and through which our depression

comes to us gives us a warning that it is approaching, allowing us to prepare ourselves. With this awareness, we are not caught by surprise and, as a result, are not as initially fearful or severely affected. We may become aware of personal experiences like a certain mood, specific thoughts, a feeling in the body, or simply a sense of tension that warn us of oncoming depression.

2. BE AWARE OF THE WAY DEPRESSION SHOWS ITSELF

We become aware of the ways in which depression initially acts upon us and, just as importantly, of our responses to it. This awareness helps to prepare us to bear the brunt of depression's onslaught as it hits us full force.  Being aware and at least somewhat prepared to receive this full force of depression can have the effect of decreasing our anxiety and fearfulness about it. Our ability to "weather the storm" is enhanced. Though the storm will still come in all its power, our awareness that is is on the way and knowing the damage it can cause, better prepares us to "batten down the hatches" at least a bit, and receive the depression with a greater sense of safety fortified with the knowledge that it will eventually pass.

3. RECOGNIZE YOUR REACTIONS TO DEPRESSION

We create and preserve and awareness within ourselves of a sense of peace and safety even in the very midst of the throes of depression. Upon discovering that we have the ability to recognize the signs of depression as it approaches us, and can observe and be aware of its effects upon us and our responses to it, we may realize that we also possess an ability to find peace and safety within ourselves, and that this ability is present within us even in the midst of the worst depression. This is the beginning of an experience of our own ability and power to both recognize and deal with our depression and ourselves.

THE NATURAL PLACE OF BREAKING DOWN

We don’t seem to realize that our lives, i.e. our worldly lives, “wind down” and then, sooner or later, end. We become so identified with our “worldly” (i.e. physical/sensory) existence that this winding down, i.e. breaking down appears as utterly unfair to us. We have no vision whatsoever of any other world, any other kind of existence, and this ignorance makes it all far worse for us. We are so far removed from death and the process of it until we ourselves or perhaps those around us begin this process of winding and breaking down.

For myself, I see that I am physically much more limited and even in pain at times. Even more, I see it happen rapidly with my wife. Yet there is a kind of birth into a new reality that begins to take place; call it an other-worldly reality. Strangely, I have become more aware of this physical, worldly reality in the process of my own winding and breaking down. When I go into the deep forest, I am aware of something beyond or behind this apparent dimension that seems to be approached, at least for me, though this worldly, physical dimension. There is an underlying presence of undistractedness, of complete centeredness, of absolute peace yet also very alive, if not a “greater life” in itself. I live more and more (and sometimes less and less) within this context of being. Whenever I “fall out of it”, i.e. of this awareness, I suffer immensely in loss, abandonment, and despair. And it is absolutely unbearable. It rather quickly breaks down any false hopes or beliefs I may have constructed to fortify an identity with this world. I am gradually returned to this sense of and life within a greater context, a greater life, if you will. Some will call this greater context, greater life, “God”, though I prefer not to since we ascribe too much agency and personality to that term. A greater context, greater life simply exists and exists for all. Jesus said as much when he stated that the sun shines on the gentile as well as the Jew; we are all chosen, so to speak, to live within this greater life. It neither loves nor hates us; it just is as it is.

THE GIFT OF DEPRESSION

'The gift of depression? Is this guy crazy? I'm sorry but it ain't no gift to me! It's a curse! Who doesn't know that?' I would say that most people with depression would have that response.

However, what if we were to view depression as a gift rather than as a curse? Again, most people with depression would probably ask: 'Why on earth would I ever want to do that with a condition so utterly painful and unbearable?'  True, depression is utterly painful and unbearable for many, including myself. But, does something that is utterly painful and unbearable have to be only a curse? Can it be something else for us, something of value, something that can even help us to understand ourselves and live our lives better?


I'm not talking about attitudinal change; I'm talking about recognizing a greater context in which life occurs, in which we and our lives occur. What if this pain of depression actually had some kind of purpose in our lives? A purpose that we might only become aware of if we could see that this depression actually brings a certain kind of awareness and sensitivity to us, or, to put it in the opposite way, our particular awareness and sensitivity bring us into a painful state that we call 'depression'. I believe--and have experienced--that this may actually be how it is (for myself and a good many others); that there is a greater context in which our depression does bring us a deeper comprehension of not only our own lives and ourselves, but of existence itself. Of course it only brings this deeper understanding if we open ourselves to it and are willing to give ourselves a chance. This does not mean that we want our depression or seek it, or that we love misery or self-pity; it just means that we recognize our situation and realize that we need to face it and ourselves in some more realistic way.


Does the depression, the sensitivity, the awareness, and the accompanying 'difficulty' go away when we approach it in this way, with this understanding? Well, the depression, the sensitivity, and the awareness do not go away, however, they are changed. The sense of unbearable pain changes when we see that something valuable is being given to us in and through our 'depression'. Once we experience for ourselves that we are being given a 'gift' of self-understanding and appreciation of self, others, and life, it is very hard to be 'depressed' in the sense that we are being victimized. We see that we are receiving the 'gift of depression'.


I recognized and experienced this reality so clearly that I wrote a book about it! It took almost three years for it to work itself through me, but I did it. That in itself was a gift; I couldn't do it now. It was as though the depression contained a message for me to convey to all those who have what we call 'depression'. In addition to that, I have worked with many people in groups and classes on 'understanding depression'. Many people in these groups and classes have most definitely benefited from the perspectives and exercises presented by me and in my book. I have seen this for myself and they have told me. Thus, it's worth a try. There is so much more to 'depression' than we know, believe, or have been told! But to discover this 'much more', we need to be willing to look and to be open to ourselves, and others who may have something to offer us.

GETTING BACK TO IT

I obviously had a bit of a hiatus these past few months. My wife, Amy Pierovich, is very ill (as well as being disabled) with Fibromyalgia, and I have been editing her book, Tradition and Change in Urban China: A Critical Hermeneutic Inquiry of Language, Culture and Identity in Shanghai, in addition to caring for her.

However, now I am back. To be honest, it also seemed to me that absolutely no one ever reads this blog, so I simply wasn't very inspired to continue. However, I have decided to continue with the blog "just in case" someone might be helped in understanding and working with their depression--so that they and their life improve.

I might add something here regarding depression that some may find interesting. Let me paraphrase something from Alice Bailey's Esoteric Healing [Lucis Trust, New York, 1953](p.566): "... the soul's [product of the merging of spirit and matter] inclination to 'the good' can bring about resistance upon the physical plane so that the turmoil thus engendered in the consciousness ... can and does produce disease. This type of disease is responsible for many of the difficulties of advanced people, aspirants and disciples. This 'friction' produces then a secondary reaction and leads to those psychological conditions to which we give the name 'depression, an inferiority complex, and the sense of failure.' This particular source of disease, 'the Good,' is one that primarily affects the mental types."

I'll share one more section, On Problems of Melancholia [Depression] (pp.338-9), from the same book: "These problems of melancholia are ... due to a wide variety of causes.
1. A sense of frustration, a thwarted wish-life, or a recognition of a basic life failure.
2. A sense of dramatics, and a desire to figure importantly on the little stage of a person's life. This can often be quite unrealized and have a truly subconscious origin, or it can be a carefully cultivated habit or attitude.
3. A devitalized condition, largely of an etheric nature, which robs life of all joy and desire and presents always a sense of futility. Many women passing through the menopause experience this.
4. A certain form of breakdown in the cells found in a a particular area of the brain.
5. Based on fear of insanity and of death--a baseless fear which has never materialized but which does constitute an idee fixe, so that the person is the victim of a well-developed thoughtform.
6. A tuning-in, through oversensitivity, on the suffering and massed pain of the world. Disciples can be temporarily overcome by this.
7. This condition is very seldom brought about by any form of obsession such as 'an earthbound entity or a living vampire-like person.'
8. Sometimes a person tunes in on a state of massed melancholia, such as can be found in our sanitariums or asylums. The condition has then nothing really to do with him, but being sensitive, he identifies himself with those who are suffering from acute melancholia.
9. Melancholia, as a symptom of disease (not of brain disease) is also fairly frequent and will disappear when the disease is under proper treatment."

This source is primarily theosophical in its perspective and approach. Many of its essential ideas exist in other approaches, at least to some extent, such as Jung's work. Both sources, among others, are also reflected in my book, which is available on this blogpage.