There is a practice that can be quite effectively put to use to bring a sense of peace while in the throes of depression. I’ve used it for myself and, though initially a bit shocked by its counter-intuitive approach, have found it to be very effective and, what’s more, very empowering in the sense that it revealed to me that I have a choice in the matter.
But let me introduce this practice through a brief story. I go deep into the nearby forest as often as possible and just sit there in the midst of great redwoods. The silence of that place and the peace I feel is beyond explanation and even imagination. I am simply in the presence of the great power and stillness of nature, and I seem to absorb it into my very being. Every thought I have, every stress I feel, just falls away and dissolves. Nature has this ever-abundant capacity to regenerate life. It is able to experience and absorb great destruction, such as when the babbling brook in this deep forest becomes an overflowing, surging river each winter, destroying trees and ripping away its riverbanks. But then, within a short time, the water recedes, and very soon new shoots appear; new growth takes over the whole forest.
I am speaking of a Buddhist practice, tonglen, which I now recognize within nature as this capacity to find new life within itself after great destruction has occurred or perhaps even as it is occurring. Tonglen could probably best be compared to the Christian practice of forgiveness, though, to me, it is far greater in context and effect. I tried this practice for myself many years ago, but found it simply too counter-intuitive to continue it. It is a breathing in of the experience of sadness, pain, hurt, fear, anger, bitterness, or any feeling that we would normally want to avoid, holding it and fully experiencing it for a moment, and then breathing out joy, love, kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Obviously, this is not what most of us want to do or believe we can do; thus, it is quite counter-intuitive, and something we just wouldn’t want to do. It’s most often practiced when one is faced with these attitudes as expressed by others often at oneself, however, it can also be practiced when one is experiencing these emotions within oneself.
I have practiced tonglen when faced with my own emotions and thoughts, including depression and its myriad feelings, in addition to practicing it when faced with others who are expressing intense “negative” emotions either only towards themselves and/or at me. It was only after spending time in the forest alone that I understood the natural power of this practice. Prior to this experience of nature, I simply couldn’t conceive that such a practice could work. Now, having practiced it for a while, I feel compelled to share it with others as a way to effectively work with and help ourselves in the midst of depression. When experiencing depression, my initial reaction is to definitely not want to be experiencing it, and even more definitely not to want to “breathe it all in” and to really feel and experience it deeply. However, I am able to overcome this reluctance and fear, knowing now that the practice really does work and is very empowering, revealing to me that I actually do have a store of love and joy and kindness within me that I can readily access.
I breathe in whatever I am feeling, including also whatever I am thinking, and I allow myself to experience and feel it deep within my being. It can be quite difficult and painful, bringing tears of sorrow and injustice and absolute aloneness, however, I allow myself to breathe it in and then hold it for a moment and even observe it from within. And then I breathe out joy and love and healing, even with a smile on my lips. This exhalation is not forced nor phony nor just in my head; it is real. I am relaxed and amazed that such joy and love can possibly exist within me, much less be expressed by me, but it is. When I exhale in this way, all the pain that had been there within me is gone, dissolved. However, if I notice that the depression and its feelings and thoughts return to me, I continue to practice this inhalation and exhalation several times until the depressive thoughts and feelings are actually gone. When I did this technique initially, I really wasn’t sure if it would work at all; in fact I was quite doubtful. But I really did “put my heart into it,” trusted that it could work, and it did. I was amazed. I really didn’t know that I “had it in me” to that extent.
The practice of tonglen has definitely helped me. I haven’t tried it with anyone else as yet, but I plan to. It does take a bit of faith, however, once one has a glimpse or a sense of its effectiveness, it gets easier and easier, and more effective as well. I think it was Chogyam Trungpa’s particular presentation on tonglen in Training the Mind and Cultivating Loving-Kindness that not only inspired me but also had a kind of logic that resonated with me. I’ll present some of his words verbatim here though not in this edition.
This is one practice that can help with depression. There are others, some of which are explored closely in my book. I do speak of self-observation or self-experience that is akin to both contemplation and zazen. Tonglen is more demanding that these, and probably more “sudden” in its effects. Obviously, it will be more effective for some than for others. Again, I plan to use it with people I’m working with.
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